Letting the Challah Rise

Yesterday my son wanted to make challah. My first thought was ‘what a wonderful idea!’. So after naptime he was ready to get started. With great enthusiasm my son helped carry all the ingredients to the table and was more than eager to begin pouring and mixing, ‘by myself’. He climbed up on a chair and was ready to go. We dissolved the yeast, added eggs, honey and salt and were ready to begin mixing in the flour. Upon setting up my gigantic 20 lb mixer I realized we were missing the actual mixer attachment. I vaguely recalled this being used as a toy recently and started to look in my son’s play kitchen, but there was no mixer to be seen. Ok, ‘let’s try the hand mixer’ I told my son. I pulled out my high-tech hand mixer, plugged it in and began to mix. As more flour went in, the mixer was working harder and harder until it got completely tangled up in all the dough and would no longer budge. I felt hopeless and thought this was the end of our challah baking escapade. But wait! I vaguely recall that dough used to be made without such electronics, you know, back in the shtetl era. So I rolled up my sleeves and dug in; kneading, pulling, punching. I got quite the upper body workout.(By this point my son lost interest and was busy conducting an elaborate game involving his stuffed animals and refrigerator magnets.)

While I’m standing there covered in flour head to toe, with my arms deep in dough, I realized there was perhaps something to glean from this seemingly frustrating dough making situation. Sometimes I find myself aiming so high and having high expectations. I want to be the best mother ever and the best wife ever. I want everyone to be happy with me, accomplish all my tasks and still have time to grow and work on myself. Some days I achieve it all and some days I don’t. But sometimes on those days that I am sapped of energy I am able to just focus on the tiny happy things, and people, in my life. I cannot fold another pile of laundry or make that important phone call, but I can get on the floor and play with the cutest little 3-year-old around.

The mixer may not work, in fact both mixers may not work, but then I go back to basics. I let go of the gadgets and somehow the dough does rise to produce beautiful challahs and rolls. Sometimes we need to just forget about all the fancy gadgets and multitasking goals we have, and then we will truly ‘rise to the occasion’.

For more about how to conduct your daily life in a meaningful way please check out Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller’s Q&A class on Naaleh.com in which she addresses a question from a woman about how to fill her day meaningfully:

Gaining Perspective

This week a young woman I know became very seriously ill from an infection in her brain following complications after giving birth to her first child, a healthy baby girl. Baruch Hashem she has overcome hopefully the worst of the infection and is making steady progress, yet her condition still remains serious.

Of course something as serious as this situation makes you stop in your tracks, and realize just how fortunate we are. Here I am complaining to my husband about having a cold and still needing to work, and someone else is suffering so much more intensely- a young mother like myself. Its times like these that I hug my son and remember to enjoy every diaper change, every bath time, and all the other ‘mundane’ daily occurrences. Instead of wishing I was elsewhere having more fun, I begin to appreciate the blessings in my life.

Its the collection of what appears to be the mundane everyday actions that turns into something truly profound- a full, wonderful life, and a chance to become a giver and not just a taker. What better purpose is there in life than to move beyond our own needs and concerns in order to help someone else? And who needs and deserves our chessed (acts of kindness) more than our loved ones?

May Batya Shira bat Chasida have a complete refuah and return home to her new baby in good health.

Check out this class by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller  from Naaleh.com in which she discusses the meaning of trust and the meaning of suffering:

 

Trying to Reach a Balance

Life is indeed a balancing act. Blessed with a wonderful family and career I oftentimes feel pulled in two- usually more like five- directions. My husband and I have a unique schedule right now while he is finishing up grad school. Two days a week he is the main care taker of our son and I am able to work from home, uninterrupted, during that time. The rest of week I’m mainly mommy, but always sneaking in work between nap time, the 2 mornings a week play group, and if I have any energy left in the evenings. Let’s not forget trying to maintain a tiny, but necessary, social like, plus shopping, cooking cleaning and having Shabbat guests. There is more but I don’t want to exhaust myself just thinking about all my various duties. But, like I said, all these things are a blessing (and having a very helpful husband makes everything much more manageable!).  I am thrilled with this stage of life and am enjoying every minute.

But sometimes its hard to balance it all and prioritize. I always dreamed of being stay at home mom while my children were young, just like my mother did. It has been such a joy being home and seeing my son grow and witnessing every milestone. Somehow though I realized that my little part time job had somehow developed into an actual career. But I wanted to postpone this career thing until the kids were all in school! Now what? I love the work I do and I’m beginning to see the value of being a working mom- you truly learn to enjoy your time with your kids once you are done working for the day! And let’s not forgot how nice it is to be part of the bread winning team.

So now I’m working on striking a balance. Some weeks are easier than others, depending on the needs of work and home that week, and other weeks I’m not sure what I’m doing. The funny this is is that once I get used to the current situation I know everything will change again. So, I’m learning to be flexible and thank G-d its coming together. I’m learning how to multitask and make sure I’m taking care of me all at the same time. At the end of the day my family always takes precedence and I’m thankful that I have other outlets to keep my brain from turning to mommy mush.

I really enjoy listening to Rebbetzin Heller’s Q&A series on Naaleh.com where she discusses how, as women, we can Achieve a Balance in life. In this class she addresses a number of interesting questions from the Naaleh students, one question in particular about how woman connect to their role in the home:

 

The Spirit of the Home

Rebbetzin Heller just gave a really interesting class at Naaleh on the relationship between Torah philosphy and modern science. I highly recommend this class to anyone studying or working in science. Not only does Rebbetzin Heller touch upon this very timely issue, her message is something many of us mothers can learn from.

Rebbetzin Heller discusses the idea of how we are all born in a state of tahara, spiritual purity, into this world. This is what separates us from animals. When we sin a mechitza, barrier is created and blocks us from spirituality. Rebbetzin Heller points out how many of us try to prevent our children from being exposed to an environment which lacks tahara.

Whether at home, at the playground, or in school, we are all striving to protect our children from physical or emotional harm. As a spiritually and religiously aware mother, I try to protect my child from also spiritual harm. Yes, there will be bumps and bruises, but a major concern is my child’s spiritual well being. Many parents put a lot of emphasis on which schools they send their children to. Yes, the school environment is crucial, but it is what occurs in the home that I believe most effects our children spiritually and either enhances or diminishes their attitude toward Jewish observance. And we are the facilitators of the home front.

At times it can be overwhelming for me to be in charge of this tiny person’s spiritual existence. Its enough for me to have to work on my own spirituality and now there is someone looking to me for constant guidance and encouragement. A real life example of this is something we experience every single week- Shabbat. Shabbat means pausing from the everyday to time spend time together as a family; praying, eating, singing, learning Torah, playing, resting, socializing with friends and basking in this very special gift we have every week from Hashem. It is truly a gift, but for children it can also mean a day full of the word ‘no’. No television (although we luckily avoid that issue but not having a television in our home), no listening to music, no playing with certain electronic toys, no coloring or cutting, and a whole bunch of other things kids love to do. In general I have always tried to exercise positive parenting. ‘Instead of what you can’t do, let’s focus on what you can do’. This means keeping a Shabbat toy stash with special toys taken out just for Shabbat (and updating these toys every month or so), having special Shabbat only treats (every Friday we go to the bakery and my son picks out a special sprinkle cookie just for shabbat),inviting friends over that we do not see during the week, and any other ways to make this day a special ‘yes’ day. This allows us to move away from ‘no, no, no’. Above all else since cooking, laundry, bills, and other household duties are on hold for 25 hours, mommy is able to get down on the floor and play shoots and ladders for hours!

Our children are pure neshamas, souls given to us on loan from Hashem. We must look around our homes and see what we can do to ensure that it is an environment of tahara. We can also go a step beyond and try to make our homes a place of spiritual growth and Jewish warmth. May our children in turn give us much nachas and help bring this world into a state of everlasting peace.

Mothering on Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur used to be spent all day long in shul, in intense prayer and thought. I remember a particular Yom Kippur. It was my first Yom Kippur after becoming more religiously observant. Every moment was spent in total devotion and awe. The connection I felt that day was truly indescribable. Swaying in my seat, eyes closed shut, I felt completely connected and focused. Fast forward a few years later…my first Yom Kippur as a young mother. Since my son was just 7 months old, and I was nursing him, I spent majority of the day with just him. I was able to sneak in a few minutes here and there of davening at home during nap time,  and even spent an hour in shul, while my husband watched the baby. But, overall my day was spent feeding, changing and playing with my son.

While part of me longed for my special day of prayer and contemplation of years previous, I mostly felt connected in a different, more meaningful way. Every feeding reminded me of how Hashem sustains us in the world. Watching the vulnerability of a baby, and caring for that baby, is a humbling experience. We all come into this world completely relying on those around us to take care of our every need. We eventually grow up and become ‘independent’. But, in essence we are all still just newborns being cared for by our Father, Hashem. And while when I was single I was able to spend the day as a ‘newborn’, now I am the caretaker and see just what it means to be a baby, relying on others, like a person relying on G-d.

May our connection and prayers be heard this coming Yom Kippur, and may we be inscribed in the book of life. Gmar Chatima tova!

For a meaningful Yom Kippur check out this inspiring shiur from Naaleh.com on Jewish unity:

What does it mean to be a Jewish mother?

Please check out this page discussion and share your thoughts!
This is a question many of us should be asking ourselves this time of year. As we approach Rosh Hashana let us take the time to reevaluate ourselves as parents.

Every Friday night, as I light Shabbat candles, I pray for the strengeth to be a good mother. To be calm, protective (but not too protective), and to act as a good role model are some goals I think of every week. And now, as we are gearing up for the new year, I am looking back on this past year and thinking of ways to improve.

Let’s ask ourselves:
Are we headed in the direction we want to be going? Could we be doing better?

I’m interested to hear your thoughts, so please share!

Simplicity in Apples

My son is 2 going on 13. He truly amazes me with his excitement for Torah and mitzvot at such a young age. He makes blessings over food, says the Shema prayer and likes to wear a kippah. Yesterday, my family and I went apple picking with some other families. My little guy has been intrigued by apple picking ever since he read a book about Elmo picking apples at Grover’s farm. So, you can imagine his excitement at actually going to do this ourselves. He had a wonderful time picking apple, eating apples and talking about all the things we would make with the apples and how we will eat them with honey on Rosh Hashana. The best part is, when we were walking out of the orchard I asked him who made the apples and he proudly declared “Hashem!”.

For me the whole experience is a reminder of keeping it simple. Its easy to get caught up in complex thoughts and to lose track of who we are and where we are going. Yes, we need to constantly work on ourselves to learn and grow. But, at the end of the day we need to come back to the basics. What better why to learn this then by watching the world through the eyes of a two year old child? The happiness he get’s from such simple activities such as making blessings and picking apples reminds me to appreciate all that I have. As long as we are striving to be good people and know who created the apples, I think we are on the right track.

Check out this great class on Rosh Hashana:

Turning Evil into Goodness

by Rabbi Hershel Reichman

In this shiur (Torah class) Rabbi Reichman discusses the idea of teshuva, where past misdeeds have the In this shiur (Torah class) Rabbi Reichman discusses the idea of teshuva, where past misdeeds have the ability to actually become merits. This Torah class is available online in streaming video and for download in mp3 and ipod video formats

The Ultimate Driver

My son is obsessed with trucks, buses, trains, airplanes, and anything else that moves. What do I expect, he’s a two year old boy! Not only do these large moving objects interest him, but also the drivers, pilots and captains. Whenever he plays with his fisher price toy school bus he has to make sure there is a proper driver in driver’s seat. Recently, while traveling back from a trip to the West coast, my son was allowed to walk into the cockpit of the airplane when we were boarding. He met the pilot and co-pilot and he saw all the buttons. This made a big impression on him. He truly sees these individuals as very important people- they drive a plane!

I also like to be the driver and feel important when in this position. Rather then being a passenger, when I’m the driver I am in control. But, I’m not just talking about when I drive myself and my son around in the car to various shopping and activities. In life we all try to be the driver. We want control, we want to feel like everything that happens to us is by our own choosing. . In reality, there is only One driver in this world- G-d. During Rosh Hashana we aren’t just celebrating the Jewish new year, we are celebrating this world and the life we have been given, and we are crowning our King, the true driver in our lives.

I hope to show my son, by my words and living examples, that in actuality Hashem is our driver and we are along for the ride. Yes, we do our hishtadlus, our part, and we do have free will. But ultimately everything we have comes from above and we cannot pretend that our actions bring the final outcomes. Just recently my husband and I were discussing how we really could use a little extra parnassah, financial means. Without even trying I was contacted to start a new project- one with great pay and very flexible hours. Yes, I believe I am good at what I do and that the professional connections I have made were involved. But, this job really fell out of the sky (no pun intended!).

On Naaleh.com, Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller discusses how to make Rosh Hashana and the rest of the High Holidays meaningful for our children.  Rebbetzin Heller talks about how ultimately we teach our children about Rosh Hashana though example. We try to improve ourselves during the month of Elul, and we ask our children for mechila, forgiveness, for anything we may have done to hurt them this past year. Rebbetzin Heller also suggests telling stories to our children which exemplify how Hashem is our King. We aim to teach them to think of Hashem in terms of,  “wherever you take me, I will go”. This relates back to the idea of the driver. Wherever Hashem is going, we are along for the ride.

Check out the shiur:

Wishing everyone a healthy, happy and sweet new year. May this coming year bring us all many blessings.

Happy Tu B’Av!

Sunday night begins the ‘Matchmaking Holiday’ of Tu B’Av. Rabbi Hershel Reichman discusses the meaning of this holiday in his Naaleh.com class entitled Spiritual Elevation of Physical Reality.

To summarize, Rabbi Reichman points out that the point of marriage is to elevate the physical to the spiritual. You take a relationship that may look purely physical and you elevate it to the spiritual via the Jewish couple utilizing their marriage as a way connect to Hashem. A Jewish couple recognizes the inherent divine aspect to their marriage. We see this is the marriage ceremony when the blessing of  ‘shehakol bara lechvodod- that everything is created for Hashem’s honor’ is recited under the chuppah. And thus the marriage itself is created in order to honor Hashem. And so too, all mundane acts in this world have the opportunity to be elevated to the spiritual (i.e. making a blessing over food elevates the act of eating).

For me, I think about the mundane act of mothering on a day to day basis. Changing diapers, making lunch, wiping tears- these are all seemingly mundane acts. But in truth I am nurturing a yiddishe nechama- a Jewish soul. And all throughout the day I have the choice to just do mundane acts without much meaning or I can have an ongoing dialogue with Hashem throughout the day- asking Him to help me be a loving, nurturing mother, and to emulate for my child what it means to live a spiritually attuned life. It is my hope to aspire to the former and to elevate my daily routine to something meaningful and spiritual.

Shabbat Shalom!

Here is the class I mentioned above:

In Hashem’s Arms

A few nights ago, in the wee hours on the morning, as I sat rocking my cold-suffering 2 year old, I had a thought. Here I was, tired as could be, trying to soothe my congested child. At first all I can think about is how tired I am and a bit annoyed to be awake at such an hour. But, after a few deep breaths and gazing at my snoring son, I began to see some meaning to the position I was in. My son is miserable, and this is especially true for this little guy whom relies on a clear nasal passage for his self soothing nightly thumb sucking. He is miserable and exhausted, but he cannot sleep. And so he cries out for his mommy, me. While I do not have a remedy readily available, I can offer him comfort until he falls asleep.

And in the dark, I start to think; isn’t this a situation we often find ourselves in? We encounter a painful situation and we cry out to our Creator. ‘Please Hashem, help me’ we plead. We daven, pray, very hard for Hashem to remedy the situation, to heal us, and make us feel ok again. Sometimes the answer comes and we are restored. But, sometimes there is no apparent answer. Instead we grow close to Hashem in our moment of pain and distance, and we feel that He is there, even when there is no obvious perfect solution.

For example, we, as a collective Jewish people, just went through another Tisha B’Av. Yesterday we fasted and remembered our holy Temple which lies in ruins in Jerusalem. For all these years we have been praying, asking, beseeching Hashem to ‘renew our days as of old’ and bring us back to Jerusalem and the Holy Temple. And all this time the answer has been ‘no’. But, in this exile we have drawn closer to our G-d. Our prayers, although unanswered, have been heard and the connection is there. This past Shabbos my husband and I were discussing the deeper meaning of Tisha B’Av. I heard a really nice shiur by Mrs. Shira Smiles on Naaleh.com about how on Tisha B’Av  we are actually given the opportunity to draw close to Hashem.  Just as the month ‘Av’ means father, this is a month that Hashem is Our Father, caring for us and comforting us in our exile.

So while I cannot magically make a cold disappear, I can offer comfort and love. Just as we are in Hashem’s arms, we can hold our children close and make them feel loved and comforted. And sometimes this is all we (and our children) need.

Here is the Mrs. Shira Smiles class I mentioned: